KillBill sings
by Uber-Penguin
Summary: Kill-Bill, the one and only anti-teletubbie is back, and he has a singing career! PG for swearing.
1. Without Me

Authors Note- Kill-Bill is back- and he has a music career! Wack, yo. In this one, he lampoons The Teletubbies, Sesame Street, Bob the Builder and The Tweenies! Disclaimer- Go and watch The Teletubbies. Unless they're blasting each other with machine guns, I don't own them yet. I do own Kill-Bill. Mine no touchie. I don't own any other childrens TV characters.  
  
WITHOUT ME (by Eminem)  
Guess who's back, back again  
  
Kill-Bill's back, tell a friend  
  
Guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
guess who's back...  
  
Verse 1:  
  
I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to  
  
See Lala no more they want Kill-Bill  
  
I'm chopped liver  
  
Well if you want Kill-Bill, then this is what I'll give ya  
  
A little bit of Tubby Custard mixed with some hard liquor  
  
Some vodka that will jumpstart my heart quicker  
  
Then a shock when I get shocked at the TV repair shop  
  
By the man when I'm not cooperating  
  
When I'm smashing my screen while he's operating "Hey"  
  
You waited this long to stop debating  
  
Cuz I'm back, I'm on the rag and decapitating I know you got a job Ms. Simpson  
  
But your husband's weight problems complicating!  
  
So the BBC won't let me be  
  
Or let me be me so let me see  
  
They tried to shut me down on kids TV  
  
But it feels so empty without me  
  
So come on dip, gun on your lips  
  
fuck that blood on your lips and some on your kids  
  
And get ready cuz this shit's about to get heavy  
  
I just settled all my lawsuits, FUCK YOU DIPSY!  
  
Chorus:  
  
Now this looks like a job for me  
  
So everybody just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
I said this looks like a job for me  
  
So everybody just follow me  
  
Cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
Cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Verse 2:  
  
Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious  
  
Embarrassed, their parents still listen to Big Bird  
  
They start feeling like TV is helpless,  
  
Til someone comes along on a mission and yells DIE!  
  
A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution,  
  
Pollutin' the small screen a rebel  
  
So let me just revel and bask,  
  
In the fact that I got everyone runnin' away from my ass  
  
And it's a disaster such a catastrophe  
  
For you to see so damn much of my screen you ask for me?  
  
Well I'm back (*Batman Noise*) fix your bent antenna  
  
Turn it on and then I'm gonna enter  
  
Into the front of your skin like a splinter  
  
The center of attention back for the winter  
  
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling  
  
Infesting in your kids eyes and nesting  
  
Testing "Attention Please"  
  
Feel the tension soon as someone mentions me  
  
Here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free  
  
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?  
  
(Chorus 2x)  
  
Verse 3:  
  
A tisk-it a task-it,  
  
I go tit for tat with anybody who's talking this sh*t that sh*t  
  
Bob the Builder, you can get your ass kicked  
  
Worse than them little Tweenies bastards,  
  
And Kermit, you can get shot by hermits  
  
You 34 year old green headed fag blow me  
  
You don't know me, you're too old  
  
Let go, it's over, nobody watches frogs now  
  
Now lets go, just give me the signal  
  
I will be there with a whole list full of new insults  
  
I've been dope, suspenseful with a pencil  
  
Ever since Bob turned himself into a rock star  
  
But sometimes the shit just seems,  
  
Everybody only wants to discuss me  
  
So this means I'm disgusting,  
  
But its just me I'm just obscene  
  
Though I'm not the first king of controversy  
  
I am the worst thing since Miss Piggy  
  
To use kids TV so selfishly  
  
And use it to get myself wealthy (Hey)  
  
There's a concept that works  
  
20 million other anti-teletubbies emerge  
  
But no matter how many fish in the sea  
  
It'll be so empty without me  
  
(Chorus 2x)  
  
Hum dei la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la  
  
Hum dei la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la  
  
"Kids!" 


	2. Ice Ice Baby

Author's Note: Heeeres Chapter 2! Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
"Ice Ice Baby"  
  
Yo, ITV, Let's kick it!  
  
Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby  
  
All right stop, sit down, shut up and listen  
  
Kill-Bill is back with my brand new dimension  
  
Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
  
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly  
  
Will it ever stop? Yo -- I don't THINK SO!  
  
Turn off the lights and I'll show  
  
To the extreme I shoot a muppet like a vandal  
  
Light up a stage and wax a tweenie like a candle.  
  
Dance, Bum rush the speaker that booms  
  
I'm killing your brain like corrupted TV  
  
Deadly, when I shoot a dope teletubbie  
  
Anything less than the best is a felony  
  
Love it or leave it, You better gain way  
  
You better hit bull's eye, The man don't play  
  
If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it  
  
Check out the hook while my hitman revolves it  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill!, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill!  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill  
  
Now that the massacre's looming  
  
With the bass kicked in, the bullets boomin'  
  
Quick to the point, to the point no faking  
  
I'm cooking Sesame like a pound of bacon  
  
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble  
  
I go crazy when I hear a whistle  
  
And a muppet with a souped up tempo  
  
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo  
  
Rollin' in my 5.0  
  
With my hat ripped off down so my scars can show  
  
The tweenies on standby, Waving just to say Hi  
  
Did you stop? No -- I just drove by  
  
Kept on pursuing to the next stop  
  
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block  
  
That block was dead  
  
Yo -- so I continued to A1A Cuddles Ave.  
  
Teddies are hot wearin less than bikinis  
  
Rockman lovers driving Zucchinis  
  
Jealous 'cause I'm out geting mine  
  
Miss Piggy with a gauge and Kill-Bill with a nine  
  
Reading for the chumps on the wall  
  
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of "Eight Ball"  
  
Gunshots ranged out like a bell  
  
I grabbed my nine -- All I heard were shells  
  
Falling on the concrete real fast  
  
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas  
  
Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed  
  
I'm trying to get away before the teddies jack  
  
Tweenies on the scene, You know what I mean  
  
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends  
  
If there was a problem, You, I'll solve it  
  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill  
  
Take heed, 'cause I'm a homicidal poet  
  
Kill-Bill's on the scene just in case you didn't know it  
  
My town, that created all the bass sound  
  
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground  
  
'Cause my style's like a sympathy kill  
  
Feasible rounds that you can vision and feel  
  
Conducted and formed, This is a hell of a concept  
  
We make it hype and you want to step with this  
  
Miss Piggys plays on the fade, slice like a ninja  
  
Cut like a razor blade so fast, Other tubbies say, "damn"  
  
If death was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram  
  
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose  
  
Magnetized by the screen while I bleed my juice  
  
If there was a problem, Yo -- I'll solve it!  
  
Check out the hook while DJ revolves it.  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill  
  
Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill, Ice Ice Baby Kill-Bill  
  
Yo man -- Let's get out of here! Watch out for your mother!  
  
Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold  
  
Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold 


	3. The Real Sir KillBill

AUTHORS NOTE: Here's the real Slim Shady. Rap is so easy. ^__^ DISCLAIMER: You know the deal.  
  
THE REAL SIR KILL-BILL  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
May I have your attention please?  
  
Will the real Sir Kill-Bill please stand up?  
  
I repeat, will the real Sir Kill-Bill please stand up?  
  
We're gonna have a problem here..  
  
Y'all act like you never seen a black tubbie before  
  
Jaws all on the floor like Miss Piggy, like Kermit just burst in the door  
  
and started whoopin her ass worse than before  
  
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)  
  
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,  
  
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"  
  
And Bob the Builder said... nothing you idiots!  
  
Bob the Builder's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)  
  
Anti-Teletubbies love Kill-Bill {*vocal turntable:  
  
chigga chigga chigga*} "Sir Kill-Bill, I'm sick of him  
  
Look at him, walkin around smashing his you-know-what  
  
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"  
  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws in my screen loose  
  
But no worse, than what's goin on in the Tweenies living room  
  
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't  
  
but it's cool for Miss Piggy to hump a dead frog  
  
"My gun is on your lips, my gun is on your lips"  
  
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss  
  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids  
  
And expect them not to know what a Teletubbie Rebellion is  
  
Of course they gonna know what corruption is  
  
By the time they hit fourth grade  
  
They got the crime don't they?  
  
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals  
  
who cut other Tubbies open like cantaloupes {*SLURP*}  
  
But if we can shoot dead muppets and antelopes  
  
then there's no reason that a frog and a pig can't elope  
  
{*EWWW!*} But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote  
  
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes  
  
Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)  
  
I'm Sir Kill-Bill, yes I'm the real Kill-Bill  
  
All you other Sir Kill-Bills are just imitating  
  
So won't the real Sir Kill-Bill please stand up,  
  
please stand up, please stand up?  
  
[Eminem]  
  
Bart Simpson don't gotta cuss in his show to get ratings;  
  
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!  
  
You think I give a damn about an Emmy?  
  
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me  
  
"But Sir, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"  
  
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?  
  
So you can, sit me here next to Elmo and beers?  
  
Shit, Bob the Builder better switch me chairs  
  
so I can sit next to Miss Piggy and Lisa Simpson  
  
and hear 'em argue over who he gave head to first  
  
You little bitch, put me on blast on BBC  
  
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Piggy, hee-hee!"  
  
I should download her audio on MP3  
  
and show the whole world how you gave Kill-Bill VD {*AHHH!*}  
  
I'm sick of you little girl and boy shows, all you do is annoy me  
  
so I have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}  
  
And there's a million of us just like me  
  
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me  
  
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me  
  
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!  
  
Chorus  
  
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you  
  
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room  
  
The only difference is I got the screen to say it  
  
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all  
  
I just get on the air and spit it  
  
and whether you like to admit it {*ERR*} I just shit it  
  
better than ninety percent of you anti-tubbies out can  
  
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these ratings like valiums  
  
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty  
  
I'll be the only person in the retired club flirting  
  
Pinchin Wendy's ass when I'm jackin off with Jergens  
  
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working  
  
And every single person is a Sir Kill-Bill lurkin  
  
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings  
  
{*HACH*} Or in the parkin lot, circling  
  
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"  
  
with his windows down and his system up  
  
So, will the real Kill-Bill please stand up?  
  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?  
  
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control  
  
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?  
  
Chorus 2X  
Ha ha  
  
Guess there's a Kill-Bill in all of us  
  
Fuck it, let's all stand up 


	4. My Name Is

A/N: Here we go, another Eminem one, though I'd say this is probably the last. DISCLAIMER: See above.  
  
MY NAME IS  
  
Chorus: repeat 2X  
  
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?) My name is.. {scratches} Sir Kill-Bill Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?) My name is.. {scratches} Sir Kill-Bill  
  
Ahem.. excuse me! Can I have the attention of the class for one second?  
  
Hi kids! Do you like violence? (Yeah yeah yeah!) Wanna see me stick Dead Tweenies through each one of my eyelids? (Uh-huh!) Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah yeah!) Try guns and get fucked up worse that my life is? (Huh?) My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my head straight but I can't figure out which Muppet I want to impregnate (Ummmm..) And Bob the Builder said, "Sir Kill-Bill you a basehead!" Uh-uhhh! "So why's your face red? Man you wasted!" Well since age twelve, I've felt like I'm someone else Cause I sucked my original self with Noo-Noo and a belt Got pissed off and ripped Miss Piggy's tits off And smacked her so hard I knocked her clothes backwards like criss cross I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass faster than a Teletubbie who sat down too fast (parp!) C'mere muppet! (Kill-Bill, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!) I don't give a fuck, the Baby Sun sent me to piss the world off!  
  
Chorus  
  
My producer wanted to home-school in junior high Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be thirty-five I smacked him in his face with a nightstick, chased him with an axe and pinned him to the wall with 20 thumbtacks (Owwwwwwww!) Walked in the green room, had my jacket zipped up Shot the bartender, then stuck my antenna in the tip cup Extraterrestrial, runnin over Big Bird in a spaceship while hes screamin at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!" Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to I just found out my bro shoots more thugs than I do (Damn!) I told him I'd grow up to be a famous hitman Make a record about shootoin muppets and name it after him (Oh thank you!) You know you blew up when the women rush your stands and try to touch your hands like some screamin Elmo fans (Aaahhhhhh!) This frog at Sesame Street asked for my autograph (Dude, can I get your autograph?) So I signed it: 'Dear Kermit, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!'  
  
Chorus  
  
Stop the tape! This thing needs to be locked away! (Get him!) Bob the Builder, don't just stand there, OPERATE! I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die (Fuck that!) I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive (Huh yup!) Am I comin or goin? I can barely decide I just spiked my Tubby Custard -- dare me to drive? (Go ahead) All my life I was very deprived I ain't had a friend in years, and my brains too scary to hide (Whoops!) Screen smashed like the Incredible Hulk (hachhh-too) I spit when I talk, I'll fuck anything that walks (C'mere) When I was little I used to get so angry I would throw fits HOW YOU GONNA HURT ME MOM? (AH!) YOU AIN'T GOT NO GUNS! (AHHH!) I lay awake and strap myself in the bed Put a bulleproof vest on and shoot myself in the head (BANG!) I'm steamin mad (Arrrggghhh!) And by the way when you see Bart Simpson's dad? (Yeah?) Tell him that I slit his throat, in this dream I had  
  
Chorus 


	5. Sympathy For The KillBill

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here's Chapter 5. Hahaha! He insults the same old bunch. DISCLAIMER: I'm not going to bother.  
  
Sympathy For The Kill-Bill (The Rolling Stones)  
  
Please allow me to introduce myself  
  
I put The Teletubbies to waste  
  
I've been around for a long, long year  
  
Stole many a frog's soul and faith  
  
And I was 'round when Tinky Winky  
  
Had his moment of doubt and pain  
  
Made damn sure that Bob the Builder  
  
Washed his hands and sealed his fate  
  
Pleased to meet you  
  
Hope you guess my name  
  
But what's puzzling you  
  
Is the nature of my game  
  
I stuck around Sesame Street  
  
When I saw it was a time for a change  
  
Killed Elmo and his monsters  
  
Miss Piggy screamed in vain  
  
I rode a tank  
  
Held a general's rank  
  
When the Massacre raged  
  
And the muppets stank  
  
Pleased to meet you  
  
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah  
  
What's puzzling you  
  
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah  
  
I watched with glee  
  
While your kids and teens  
  
Fought for ten decades  
  
For the deaths I made  
  
I shouted out  
  
"Who killed the Tweenies?"  
  
When after all  
  
It was you and me  
  
Let me please introduce myself  
  
I put the Teletubbies to waste  
  
And I laid traps for teddy bears  
  
Who get killed before they get to play  
  
Pleased to meet you  
  
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah  
  
But what's puzzling you  
  
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby  
  
Pleased to meet you  
  
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah  
  
But what's confusing you  
  
Is just the nature of my game  
  
Just as every bird is a psychopath  
  
And all the muppets strange  
  
As heads is tails  
  
Just call me KB  
  
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint  
  
So if you meet me  
  
Have some courtesy  
  
Have some sympathy, and some taste  
  
Use all your well-learned politesse  
  
Or I'll lay your show to waste, um yeah  
  
Pleased to meet you  
  
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah  
  
But what's puzzling you  
  
Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down  
  
Woo, who  
  
Oh yeah, get on down  
  
Oh yeah  
  
Oh yeah!  
  
Tell me baby, what's my name  
  
Tell me honey, baby guess my name  
  
Tell me baby, what's my name  
  
I tell you one time, you're to blame  
  
Ooo, who  
  
Ooo, who  
  
Ooo, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Oh, yeah  
  
What's my name  
  
Tell me, baby, what's my name  
  
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Ooo, who, who  
  
Oh, yeah 


End file.
